Funny Marriage Quotes and Sayings with Pictures

Sooner or later, we all fall in love. If the love is mutual then we crown it with a wedding. Whether you’re planning your wedding vows, writing a toast, or just daydreaming about someone special, these funny marriage quotes definitely are going to make you smile.

Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy

Husband is the HEAD of the family and wife is the NECK that turns the head around!!

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

If you're right and you shut up, you're married

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.

Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. All you need in the beginning is two hearts and a diamond. After 10 years you need a club and spade.

Some remain single and make wonders happen.
Some have boyfriends and see wonders happen.
The rest get married and wonder what happened.

Happy wife, happy life

The only moment that my wife listens to me is when I’m talking in my sleep.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

Make love and not war
Or, find someone, marry them
And you can do both!

You know… There is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time… Husband!!!

Funniest contradicting phrases:
1.Clearly misunderstood
2.Exact estimate
3.Small crowd
4.Act naturally
5.Found missing
6.Fully empty
7.Happily married

Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops

Marriage is when a man looses his bachelors degree and woman gets her masters degree.

In our marriage everything is 50/50. I cook, he eats. I wash, he wears. I shop, he pays!

Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished

Wife: honey I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear! Husband: kitchen, living room, dinning room, patio.

The only time my wife is listening to me is when I’m saying do you want some money.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I am wrong and she agrees with me. 🙂

My hubby may wear the pants in our family but I control the zipper!

He who marries a beautiful wife and he who plants corn by the roadside all have the same problem; insecurity. -African proverb

Behind every successful wife, stands a surprised mother in law.

The longest sentence you can form with two fords is: "I DO"

Love is one long sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock!

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

When I married Ms Right, I didn’t know her first name was “Always” !

Marriage is a workshop…where husband works & wife shops.

A marriage license is a license which allows a woman to drive a man!
A wife’s view point! “What’s “hers is hers”! And “What’s yours is hers also”!
Remember! If she ain’t happy, you ain’t happy either!
When I said, “I DO”! She said, “OH NO YOU DON’T”!
If my wife ran the world ,there wouldn’t be any wars… But there wouldn’t be any peace either!

That moment when you have to leave the clothes you just bought in the trunk of the car because your husband is home

Marriage is just fancy word to adopt an over grown male child who is no more handled by his parents.

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