Although there are many reasons why it’s important to talk to your kids about sex in some capacity no matter how old they are, those facts don’t make it any easier to discuss the typically awkward topic with your kids.
If you find yourself wishing there was some kind of sex talk genie who could discuss the birds and the bees with your kids, you’re not alone.
We all have to do what we have to do when it comes to discussing tough topics with our little ones, but here are 25 things I’d rather do than have a sex talk with my kid.
1. Fork my own eyeballs out (slowly).
2. Fly from New York to Fiji and immediately back — with layovers.
3. Go to the gynecologist every single day.
the fashion spot
4. Snort like Peppa Pig and her family for the rest of my life.
5. Clean all the PortaPotties at Coachella.
6. Do our kids’ Common Core homework for the rest of the school year.
7. Listen to unsolicited parenting advice for 24 hours straight.
8. Chaperone every middle school dance in a 30-mile radius until I die.
9. Make my kids’ lunches every day until they’re 35.
10. Pull my own tooth out with pliers.
11. Listen to my child learning how to play the recorder nonstop for an entire week.
12. Go back to dial-up internet.
13. Have a week-long stomach bug while the toilets in the house are all broken.
14. Give up my favorite television shows for a year.
15. Drive cross-country with six screaming babies.
16. Have Caillou play in my own brain twice a day, every day.
we know memes
17. Listen to my kids talk with Caillou’s voice for a month (OK, no, a week. Ish).
18. Potty-train 37 toddlers.
19. Wait an hour in line at the grocery store every time I shop.
20. Pop a stranger’s pimples.
21. Play nothing but overplayed radio hits sung by kids in my car until my own kids move out.
22. Have a number of 3-year-olds use me as a tissue for the rest of time.
23. Stand next to a tween at an Ariana Grande concert.
24. Listen to static on high volume in noise-canceling headphones.
25. Literally anything.