Why is the pope(@Pontifex) now on twitter? Because twitter is 6 years old!!!
Eric SantosIf I had a 3D printer the first thing I would print would be a 3D printer.
A lot of emotions right now. congrats President Obama…Im Canadian. Im good.
Shit; trapped in office building with terrorists and ex wife.
It’s cold here. no problem. Im Canadian.
Just destroyed a shark in a one on one cage match; fuck you
Watch my speech at the @Sustainia_me Awards. I had a sore throat, so I sound a little like the Terminator.
In the near future we’ll only be able to communicate through devices. Actual human contact will be outlawed by the Apple iCourt.
I need to sleep, but oh wait, I have twitter, nvm.
Why did the voter go to the strip club? He was looking for his polling station.
Now that the election’s over, we should get commercial free TV for at least 3 months.
Sometimes I wish I was an octopus, so I could slap 8 people at once.Jenna Marbles
Please don’t try to talk to me this weekend in vegas. i’m counting cards.
Where’s my phone? Has anyone seen my phone? Oh… I’m tweeting on it! Nevermind! ;^}
Why did the conservative cockatoo fly in circles? He was too right wing.
Good morning. I awoke to find myself still alive, which is a comparatively great start to the day.
You’re too good for you
For the record, my dogs don’t eat Caesar salad. They prefer a Waldorf salad.
Steve Jobs was an amazing man. He will live in my hard drive forever! ?;^}
When the memories hit you…it fucking hurts
I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.
What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet.